As I write it has been seven months since my mum has passed away and the start of me being parent less. I have been a on a journey since July but it really started before that when mum was diagnosed. When Mum was diagnosed in November I had to come to terms with at lot of information at once the first thing that I had to come to terms with was that mum was seriously ill and would need a lot of treatments. The second thing I had to get to my head around was that mum would never get better the cancer was there and it wasn't going away.
Something else I had to get my head around was the fact that one day I wasn't going to have any parents in my life anymore. I have already wrote that my Dad passed away when I was 12 and now my Mum was telling me at the age of 25 that She wasn't going to get better.
I can remember the night that Mum was taken from us and the moment my new life started I was surrounded by nurses, doctors and family. The moment I had been expecting for the past eight months was thrust into me. It's very strange how a life can change in the blink of an eye how some one can be with you one hour then the next your breaking down in tears as they pass away.
Fast forward to now and I'm living in the aftermath of everything that's happened and I haven't got a Mum and Dad anymore. I don't think anything will prepare you for your parents passing away they are such an important part of your life. I had eight months to come to terms with it however that's numerical nonsense even if it was eight years I still wouldn't of been prepared for it.
Being twenty six with out a parent or two is so hard the majority of people will have parents in their life until they are forty or fifty and if they are lucky they will have them till they are in their sixties but to lose both in your mid twenties is devastating and gut wrenching I feel as if I have been cheated in life and feel as if I have had the chance to lead a normal life stolen from me.
However what I felt through those eight months was noting compared to what Mum must of felt what ever I was feeling was a hundred times harder for Mum just thinking about what she must of been going through breaks my heart.
In life you are constantly shown what you don't have for example it gets to me when I see people my age doing things with a mum or dad it can be small things like seeing people out shopping with a parent, Going out for dinner and celebrating special occasions. My parents are going to miss out on future things too like seeing me get married, seeing their grandchildren and going on holidays together.
In the following days, months and years I need to keep going to stop doing things and to stop living my life would be an insult to my parents who spent so much time and invested a lot of love and teaching into me to live life.
A friend told me once that my parents were watching down on me so I need to give them something good to watch and that's what I'm going to do.
Josh Clayton
11/02/18
Something else I had to get my head around was the fact that one day I wasn't going to have any parents in my life anymore. I have already wrote that my Dad passed away when I was 12 and now my Mum was telling me at the age of 25 that She wasn't going to get better.
I can remember the night that Mum was taken from us and the moment my new life started I was surrounded by nurses, doctors and family. The moment I had been expecting for the past eight months was thrust into me. It's very strange how a life can change in the blink of an eye how some one can be with you one hour then the next your breaking down in tears as they pass away.
Fast forward to now and I'm living in the aftermath of everything that's happened and I haven't got a Mum and Dad anymore. I don't think anything will prepare you for your parents passing away they are such an important part of your life. I had eight months to come to terms with it however that's numerical nonsense even if it was eight years I still wouldn't of been prepared for it.
Being twenty six with out a parent or two is so hard the majority of people will have parents in their life until they are forty or fifty and if they are lucky they will have them till they are in their sixties but to lose both in your mid twenties is devastating and gut wrenching I feel as if I have been cheated in life and feel as if I have had the chance to lead a normal life stolen from me.
However what I felt through those eight months was noting compared to what Mum must of felt what ever I was feeling was a hundred times harder for Mum just thinking about what she must of been going through breaks my heart.
In life you are constantly shown what you don't have for example it gets to me when I see people my age doing things with a mum or dad it can be small things like seeing people out shopping with a parent, Going out for dinner and celebrating special occasions. My parents are going to miss out on future things too like seeing me get married, seeing their grandchildren and going on holidays together.
In the following days, months and years I need to keep going to stop doing things and to stop living my life would be an insult to my parents who spent so much time and invested a lot of love and teaching into me to live life.
A friend told me once that my parents were watching down on me so I need to give them something good to watch and that's what I'm going to do.
Josh Clayton
11/02/18
Comments
Post a Comment