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In Which The Firsts Are Fast Approaching

I love to celebrate! I love to celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter, weddings, friends and family getting new jobs, job promotions and losing weight(not so much of that lately) in fact I'll celebrate anything good.

Something that I have been thinking about lately is celebrating birthdays and Christmas. As I write it's only a few weeks away till my Mums birthday it will be the first since she has passed away. This November she will have been 57 years old. Writing this I can't believe what I am writing it still doesn't feel real instead of writing would be I wrote will be.

Last year we celebrated what would be mums last birthday we went out shopping and I treated her to some new clothes by then she had lost some weight so we went out to get her a new wardrobe then in the evening we had a little celebration at ours. We always have the same tradition in our house when it comes to birthdays and Christmas we always open our presents in the morning.

Shortly afterwards we had the devastating news a few weeks later that Mums cancer wasn't curable and now as her birthday is fast approaching this year we are going to celebrate her life.

This won't be the first time I will have to get used to firsts after Dad passed away I had to go through what I am going through now but I'm finding these firsts a lot harder to deal with and I have already written about dealing with things as a child and as an adult and this is another example of how hard things are tougher as you get older.

After Mum's birthday it won't be long then until the first Christmas with out her it seems that Christmas comes earlier and earlier every year it hasn't even been Halloween yet but Christmas decorations are already in the shops I normally don't mind but this time it's really getting to me as it always serves as a constant reminder of what I've lost and that I'm not going to have Mum to celebrate it with her every time I pop out to get a carton of milk.

On the day of Mum's birthday I'm going to visit her grave to take some flowers for her and lift a glass of something to her in the evening and think of all the positive memories that we had with each other

Josh Clayton 24/10/2017

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