As I write it has been just over two months since my mum passed away and in that space of time my life has changed dramatically.
There are two types of change that I am getting used to. The first change is not having mum here which is the biggest change and the second change is how to grieve.
There isn't a one size fits all approach, training guide or instruction book on how to navigate through the mental quagmire of grief I've leanred over the past two months since mum has passed away to make up a strategy as I go along I'm not sure if this is common way to deal with it I've learned that there are multiple ways to deal with grief but the main thing is embracing your way of grief.
When my Dad passed away I was always hard on myself for not crying but I've since come to learn mostly from my mum telling me that the way I feel at any given time is normal. I've taken that strength that Mum taught me and am applying it every day.
Losing my Dad when I was little and losing my Mum as an adult both feel like totally different experiences and the way I have dealt with them is totally different. When I was a child I shut down and didn't talk to any one for years about it which had a negative impact on me that I will chat about in future posts (but as I have already stated everyone's different I'll never tell anyone how they are grieving is wrong) where as with my Mum I have felt every emotion and feeling going over the past few months and have been alive to the grief more. I think this is because the child's brain and the adult's brain deals with things in very different ways. when you are a child you are unaware of what is happening but as an adult you know exactly what is going to happen and the truth isn't sugar coated from you. I vividly remember the Dr telling me that my Mum only had days left and wouldn't live to see the end of the weekend.
So as I start this new life that I had forced upon me and a life that we didn't ask for I'm learning more about myself every day and the strength I didn't know I had. This is like a marathon and not a sprint race I need to take things steady and not rush how I'm feeling I need to let nature takes it's course the more I fight against it the worse it could become.
I've found a perfect quote that sums the journey up...."Grief is like the ocean it comes in waves ebbing and flowing sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it's overwhelming all we can do is learn how to swim" - Vicki Harrison.
Josh Clayton 14/10/2017
There are two types of change that I am getting used to. The first change is not having mum here which is the biggest change and the second change is how to grieve.
There isn't a one size fits all approach, training guide or instruction book on how to navigate through the mental quagmire of grief I've leanred over the past two months since mum has passed away to make up a strategy as I go along I'm not sure if this is common way to deal with it I've learned that there are multiple ways to deal with grief but the main thing is embracing your way of grief.
When my Dad passed away I was always hard on myself for not crying but I've since come to learn mostly from my mum telling me that the way I feel at any given time is normal. I've taken that strength that Mum taught me and am applying it every day.
Losing my Dad when I was little and losing my Mum as an adult both feel like totally different experiences and the way I have dealt with them is totally different. When I was a child I shut down and didn't talk to any one for years about it which had a negative impact on me that I will chat about in future posts (but as I have already stated everyone's different I'll never tell anyone how they are grieving is wrong) where as with my Mum I have felt every emotion and feeling going over the past few months and have been alive to the grief more. I think this is because the child's brain and the adult's brain deals with things in very different ways. when you are a child you are unaware of what is happening but as an adult you know exactly what is going to happen and the truth isn't sugar coated from you. I vividly remember the Dr telling me that my Mum only had days left and wouldn't live to see the end of the weekend.
So as I start this new life that I had forced upon me and a life that we didn't ask for I'm learning more about myself every day and the strength I didn't know I had. This is like a marathon and not a sprint race I need to take things steady and not rush how I'm feeling I need to let nature takes it's course the more I fight against it the worse it could become.
I've found a perfect quote that sums the journey up...."Grief is like the ocean it comes in waves ebbing and flowing sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it's overwhelming all we can do is learn how to swim" - Vicki Harrison.
Josh Clayton 14/10/2017
Very honestly, bravely and deeply spoken Joshua. You are correct you are are stronger than you may have known before. In fact i remember saying to you some years back.."Theres a leader in you". Stay in peace best you can and ask for in this troubled but healing time! Uncle Phil x
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