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In Which I Learn To Grieve....Slowly

As I write it has been just over two months since my mum passed away and in that space of time my life has changed dramatically. There are two types of change that I am getting used to. The first change is not having mum here which is the biggest change and the second change is how to grieve. There isn't a one size fits all approach, training guide or instruction book on how to navigate through the mental quagmire of grief I've leanred over the past two months since mum has passed away to make up a strategy as I go along I'm not sure if this is common way to deal with it I've learned that there are multiple ways to deal with grief but the main thing is embracing your way of grief. When my Dad passed away I was always hard on myself for not crying but I've since come to learn mostly from my mum telling me that the way I feel at any given time is normal. I've taken that strength that Mum taught me and am applying it every day. Losing my Dad when I was litt

In Which I Mourn A Life I Won't Have Anymore

As I write it is bonfire night and all around I can hear the explosions of fireworks around me. As multitudes of fireworks get destroyed and burnt away I am left thinking about everything in my life that has also been both destroyed and burnt away from me. When my Dad passed away when I was twelve I lost the rest of my childhood literally over night when my mum came into my grandparents house where I stayed that night and told me the news I went totally numb emotionally and that manifested its way all the way through my life until I reached a turning point at 21. Through my school career I never felt like I truly fitted in with my peers and people my age. This happened because I had to grow up fast when you see your Dad at the age of twelve who was always active who took you swimming, walked many miles around Leicester, London, Scotland and Cornwall, went to the park with you and was full of life to seeing this loving, kind, gentle and strong man who in the last few weeks of his li