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In Which I Learn To Grieve....Slowly

As I write it has been just over two months since my mum passed away and in that space of time my life has changed dramatically. There are two types of change that I am getting used to. The first change is not having mum here which is the biggest change and the second change is how to grieve. There isn't a one size fits all approach, training guide or instruction book on how to navigate through the mental quagmire of grief I've leanred over the past two months since mum has passed away to make up a strategy as I go along I'm not sure if this is common way to deal with it I've learned that there are multiple ways to deal with grief but the main thing is embracing your way of grief. When my Dad passed away I was always hard on myself for not crying but I've since come to learn mostly from my mum telling me that the way I feel at any given time is normal. I've taken that strength that Mum taught me and am applying it every day. Losing my Dad when I was litt
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In Which I Mourn A Life I Won't Have Anymore

As I write it is bonfire night and all around I can hear the explosions of fireworks around me. As multitudes of fireworks get destroyed and burnt away I am left thinking about everything in my life that has also been both destroyed and burnt away from me. When my Dad passed away when I was twelve I lost the rest of my childhood literally over night when my mum came into my grandparents house where I stayed that night and told me the news I went totally numb emotionally and that manifested its way all the way through my life until I reached a turning point at 21. Through my school career I never felt like I truly fitted in with my peers and people my age. This happened because I had to grow up fast when you see your Dad at the age of twelve who was always active who took you swimming, walked many miles around Leicester, London, Scotland and Cornwall, went to the park with you and was full of life to seeing this loving, kind, gentle and strong man who in the last few weeks of his li
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In Which I Get Flash Backs

Before I start this post I would like to say a massive thank you to all those people who have read my posts so far it means a lot. A lot of people have been reading my posts and it's really inspiring.I never thought after my Mum passed away that I would do this but it has helped me so much and if I can help other people at the same time then it's a bonus. In this post I want to talk about something that people don't really talk about which is flash backs. You know those scenes and moments in films and TV shows when some one will get a flash back and it will instantly transport them back to a bad moment they once had or to an important clue? Well that keeps happening to me as well. My flashbacks can manifest themselves in very strange ways and can come on at anytime. I've had them for as long as I can remember and it doesn't look as if they are going to go away. I first started to get flash backs after my Dad died every time some one mentions the hospital where
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