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In Which I Mourn A Life I Won't Have Anymore

As I write it is bonfire night and all around I can hear the explosions of fireworks around me. As multitudes of fireworks get destroyed and burnt away I am left thinking about everything in my life that has also been both destroyed and burnt away from me. When my Dad passed away when I was twelve I lost the rest of my childhood literally over night when my mum came into my grandparents house where I stayed that night and told me the news I went totally numb emotionally and that manifested its way all the way through my life until I reached a turning point at 21. Through my school career I never felt like I truly fitted in with my peers and people my age. This happened because I had to grow up fast when you see your Dad at the age of twelve who was always active who took you swimming, walked many miles around Leicester, London, Scotland and Cornwall, went to the park with you and was full of life to seeing this loving, kind, gentle and strong man who in the last few weeks of his li...
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In Which The Firsts Are Fast Approaching

I love to celebrate! I love to celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter, weddings, friends and family getting new jobs, job promotions and losing weight(not so much of that lately) in fact I'll celebrate anything good. Something that I have been thinking about lately is celebrating birthdays and Christmas. As I write it's only a few weeks away till my Mums birthday it will be the first since she has passed away. This November she will have been 57 years old. Writing this I can't believe what I am writing it still doesn't feel real instead of writing would be I wrote will be. Last year we celebrated what would be mums last birthday we went out shopping and I treated her to some new clothes by then she had lost some weight so we went out to get her a new wardrobe then in the evening we had a little celebration at ours. We always have the same tradition in our house when it comes to birthdays and Christmas we always open our presents in the morning. Shortly afterwards ...
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In Which I Reflect On A Few Days That Changed My Life

In just over two weeks time I will have been in my job for a whole year. However around this time it will also mark another anniversary the night that I found out my mum had incurable cancer. I can remember the day well I was at work at the time and my mum had gone to the hospital with her friend to get results back from her doctor she had been ill for quite some time however we didn't know the seriousness of it and she sent me a text whilst I was at work asking if I could come home early that was really out of character for her immediately I knew that something was wrong. I went home with a feeling that the world as I knew it was in flux and changing rapidly by the hour. when I got home the atmosphere in the house was different to how it was when I left in the morning. I said hi to Mum we chatted for a bit and then she sat me down and delivered the biggest blow I have and will possibly ever have in my life again. She told me what the doctors had told her the cancer she had was...
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